Breaking Through

In fact, a master plan: How to reinvent myself in 45 days. I’m a mother of 2 and a wife to a caring husband. We live in the UK in a house that we spent a lot of time and money on to look just as we wanted. So I have everything that people regard as important to be happy. Although I feel happy I think that there is a part of me missing and I’m desperate to find out what it is. So here is a woman trying to reinvent herself at the age of 44. Furthermore, a woman seeking her real identity.For a long time, I tried to find a way to accommodate my personal life, motherhood and return to my career, but I found it so complicated that, in the end, I decided to be a just a full time mum. Being a mother is a complex role. It gives you pleasure, but- God, it’s hard work! At first, I didn’t cope very well,but after my second child was born, I realised how important my role as a mother was, so I felt happy to be helping my children to grow into confident individuals. This crisis I’ve overcome. The mother in me is happy. I just need to sort out the woman and the professional.The question is: How to reinvent myself? I have no clue , but I’ll try every possibility on the next 45 days.

Thursday, 31 March 2011

Day 20 – From ugly duckling to graceful swan

There are some mornings  when it’s better do go back to bed  and re-start the day. Today it was like that: I woke up as if I had a hangover. To be more precise, I woke as if I was still drunk. I did everything I had to do – God knows how! -  before taking the children to school. As I walked pass my front  gate I had the impression that something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. A few steps later I felt my left foot kind of uncomfortable. It made me laugh , I managed somehow to put on one boot of two different pairs. I can guarantee that they were very similar. No, they were not: one had pointed front, the other was square, but they were both black.    
 I went back inside and changed.  Sometimes you just need to stop and look at what you are doing.
After I left the children in the school, I changed my top, put some make up on and, ensuring I had 2 boots from the same pair, I headed to the Library. I couldn’t help thinking and laughing of my two boots experience. Thank God no one saw me.  As I was leaving the library I stopped at the door, where I had  to press a release button located at a low level for disabled users. As I pressed the button, a voice behind me said:
            -You move just like a bunny.
Wait a minute – I thought. I’ve heard that before. When I was twenty something  there was this  guy who obviously fancied  me and kept saying that I looked like a bunny. One day I got  fed up of being called a rabbit, so I ask?
-         Why? Do I have big ears or a fluffy tail?
-         No! – he said with surprise.
-         Ok . So is it because I have big teeth? -  I asked furiously. I have to say I was a bit direct those days.
-         No – he said patiently. “It’s the way you move. You look just like a bunny.”
As I was about to throw my carrot right at his face, he quickly remind me.
-“A bunny”. “A Playboy bunny”.
- ohhhh! – I said with relief -  “ a bunny... not a bunny - as in rabbit”.
As I looked behind me,  I saw a lady, she didn’t look at all like someone  who fancied me. I’d better think of a good answer. I’m not 20 anymore, she probably is making fun of me or my teeth.
-         Pardon? – I said.
-         You move so graciously, just like a bunny. A playboy bunny. You know, You probably have heard of them?
-         Ohhh.
We  walked onto the pavement together before going our separate  ways:
-         I once had a cafe – she said - and I had this girl who waited the tables for me. I have never seen someone waiting table like her, so graciously. You reminded me of her.
-         Thank you.  
I think it was the  influence of the woman in the supermarket the other day, the right attitude, the shoulders held high...
As I crossed the road, I felt just  like a swan,  gliding through the cool water in a ballet move, to the eyes of the enchanted spectator...
Ouch! It was then that I tripped over something on the street, almost falling.
I guess today’s lesson is : Look up! But watch out for the things people throw on the floor.  And check your shoes before you leave home.
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