Breaking Through

In fact, a master plan: How to reinvent myself in 45 days. I’m a mother of 2 and a wife to a caring husband. We live in the UK in a house that we spent a lot of time and money on to look just as we wanted. So I have everything that people regard as important to be happy. Although I feel happy I think that there is a part of me missing and I’m desperate to find out what it is. So here is a woman trying to reinvent herself at the age of 44. Furthermore, a woman seeking her real identity.For a long time, I tried to find a way to accommodate my personal life, motherhood and return to my career, but I found it so complicated that, in the end, I decided to be a just a full time mum. Being a mother is a complex role. It gives you pleasure, but- God, it’s hard work! At first, I didn’t cope very well,but after my second child was born, I realised how important my role as a mother was, so I felt happy to be helping my children to grow into confident individuals. This crisis I’ve overcome. The mother in me is happy. I just need to sort out the woman and the professional.The question is: How to reinvent myself? I have no clue , but I’ll try every possibility on the next 45 days.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Day 14

There is this famous columnist of a well known newspaper who is very grumpy. I don’t like her approach to life, she never has a good word to write about anything or anyone.  Funny enough I read her column every week, just to see if she would say something nice. And every week, I get angry with myself for reading it.  This week though – surprise!  She wrote about the pressure women are under. How new research tries to influence women as to when they should  breastfeed, or when is the right time to start weaning your baby, etc. I couldn’t agree more with what she said.
 Considering that research never stops, we are bombarded by impositions that only fill us with guilt and doubt. What to do after all? Go to work, not to go work,  to breastfeed or not  breastfeed , etc.
I never actually  stopped to think  about it, but  guilt is everywhere in my life. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being at work; I feel guilty when I don’t play  with the children for that half an hour  when I’m writing my blog; I feel guilty when I cook pizza for dinner – despite cooking a fresh meal everyday;  I feel guilty when I don’t go to the gym ; I even feel guilty when I don’t buy those shoes in the House of Frasier sale, the one I couldn’t afford anyway. There is an infinite list.
I can’t help thinking about the women who are at work. Do they feel guilty too for not spending time with their children?
 And can women ever win? How can we feel guilty for our own choices?
So, this morning, when I  put on my  new perfume (Guilty by Gucci) I wished  that  one day I could turn things around , and  “ guilty”   will be just  a fragrance  created by Gucci to make me smell nice.

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