Breaking Through

In fact, a master plan: How to reinvent myself in 45 days. I’m a mother of 2 and a wife to a caring husband. We live in the UK in a house that we spent a lot of time and money on to look just as we wanted. So I have everything that people regard as important to be happy. Although I feel happy I think that there is a part of me missing and I’m desperate to find out what it is. So here is a woman trying to reinvent herself at the age of 44. Furthermore, a woman seeking her real identity.For a long time, I tried to find a way to accommodate my personal life, motherhood and return to my career, but I found it so complicated that, in the end, I decided to be a just a full time mum. Being a mother is a complex role. It gives you pleasure, but- God, it’s hard work! At first, I didn’t cope very well,but after my second child was born, I realised how important my role as a mother was, so I felt happy to be helping my children to grow into confident individuals. This crisis I’ve overcome. The mother in me is happy. I just need to sort out the woman and the professional.The question is: How to reinvent myself? I have no clue , but I’ll try every possibility on the next 45 days.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Day 16 -

After a friend talked to me about Elisabeth Gilbert, the American bestseller writer (Eat, pray, love), I decided to have a look at her website. Just before I read her  website, I was thinking how after the first 15 days of my challenge gone,  I seemed to have more doubts then I had at the beginning and I was asking  why I started  this challenge and why I wanted to re-invent myself at my age.  I’m glad I read it. There is a section there where she shares her thoughts about writing, dreams  and life in general. It seemed that she was talking to me. All the things I needed to hear. Her advice inspired me and made me think that I can do whatever I decide to do and my search for that answer should be what keeps me going.
Later on, while doing the ironing, I watched “Yentl”, an old film with Barbara Streisand as a Jewish girl, whose dream is to study Talmudic law, which was only permitted to men. She dresses as a man and starts to study, when she meets Avigdor and instantly falls in love with him. When she tells him that she is actually a woman, he starts to make plans for them to stay together, but he wants her to be just a woman, a Jewish woman. He says: “you don’t need to study, I’ll do all the thinking for us”. He then asks her:  “what else can you want? And she replies: “More”.
Not surprisingly he marries another girl and Yentl moves to America to keep pursuing her dream.
So that is it. When you want more, you need to work harder, you need to fly higher and you can never stop following your dream. 
I keep looking for signs. And they always come. A good lesson learnt today.

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