Day 1

I’m very proud of being a mum, but the term “housewife” does not agree with me at all. So I decided to do something about it, finding myself a job or opening a small business or doing something (anything) that will give me the satisfaction I’m lacking at the moment.

Looking for a job is a complicated task itself, for a full time mother and housewife like me, who hasn’t worked for eight years, it  is a huge challenge. There are some many things to consider that the majority give up before they start. The first thing is the time limitation, you have to find a job to fit your free time, from 9.30am  to 3pm, when the children are at school. Then you have to work only term time, or be prepared to give away a big chunk of your salary to pay a childminder or after school/holiday club to look after them over the holiday period. Not to mention those days when they get sick. 

Is it really worth it?

The other “gianormous”(giant + enormous) - as my daughter says- barrier is a phantom known as low self esteem. It happens to a lot of people, including me. It will follow you around everywhere. It will make you feel the last human being in the world and will make you “lose” any skill you once had.  It seems to me that 90% of women’s confidence goes away with the placenta.  And not all women manage to recover it after giving  birth. So what is the mystery behind it? Why, after having the most sublime, desirable  experience, can a woman possibly  feel low?   I’m afraid I don’t have this answer either.

So we have time limitation, low self esteem and in my case, another big obstacle , the language issue. English is not my first language.  So every time I think of applying for a job I feel insecure that my English is not good enough for that job and end up not applying at all.  How mad is that?

Last year, after my youngest child went to school  I thought I’d would change my life dramatically so I made lots of plans.  But the truth is with all this time on my hands I’m doing less now than I used to do when the children were at home.  This is  because I have no idea where to start.  And this uncertainty  is driving me mad. Have you heard of the expression  “grumpy overweight  old lady”? Well this is what I’ll become if I carry on like that,  eating to feed my anxiety and complaining about life.

Another day I was coming home from the supermarket . It was raining, it was cold and grey. I was feeling a bit down with anxiety ,  thinking about  the life I’m living at the moment, desperate to find an answer.  It was then that I looked on the side of the road and I saw a seriously disabled person, alone,  in a motorised wheelchair, going through his/hers daily routine, encountering obstructions that we do not even consider.

 I have learnt a precious lesson. There I was thinking of myself as a poor person with no opportunities and, in front of me, a person with a physical disability but without fear of living,  confronting obstacles, going for it...

I felt so ashamed... When I arrived at home I decided  that things had to change for my personal benefit.

The fact that I am  under no pressure to contribute financially to the family income, in itself creates further indecision. So I gave myself a task to be completed in 44 days - one day for each year of my life. And because my birthday falls during this time, I have added one more day to my mission.  By the end of this time, I should come with a solution to my life. I’ll have clear in my mind what my next steps will be: if finding a job, what kind of job;  if opening a small business, what kind of business; if trying a new career – getting trained ; etc, etc.   You never know I might even appreciate that  I’m actually happy being a mother and housewife. Whatever I decide to do, I should feel fulfilled and complete.

Well, now I’ve got the plan. I just need the energy to complete it ... and successfully. Wish me luck.