Breaking Through

In fact, a master plan: How to reinvent myself in 45 days. I’m a mother of 2 and a wife to a caring husband. We live in the UK in a house that we spent a lot of time and money on to look just as we wanted. So I have everything that people regard as important to be happy. Although I feel happy I think that there is a part of me missing and I’m desperate to find out what it is. So here is a woman trying to reinvent herself at the age of 44. Furthermore, a woman seeking her real identity.For a long time, I tried to find a way to accommodate my personal life, motherhood and return to my career, but I found it so complicated that, in the end, I decided to be a just a full time mum. Being a mother is a complex role. It gives you pleasure, but- God, it’s hard work! At first, I didn’t cope very well,but after my second child was born, I realised how important my role as a mother was, so I felt happy to be helping my children to grow into confident individuals. This crisis I’ve overcome. The mother in me is happy. I just need to sort out the woman and the professional.The question is: How to reinvent myself? I have no clue , but I’ll try every possibility on the next 45 days.

Monday 4 April 2011

Day 21

One thing mothers fear the most is the period in their children’s  life called “the terrible twos”.  I was so relieved when my children became 3,  I organised a big party to celebrate it.  But, just as  I thought I had everything under control, my youngest one, who is now five, is driving me up the wall. She seemed to have forgotten all the things I have taught her,  manners have deteriorated,  vocabulary became  poor and unsuitable, she is always on the go and never listens to me. In another words, she is driving me mad!
Today at 9am when I left them in the school,  I was so tired and so stressed I thought I would have a heart attack.
 Ironically, the radio played  Sometimes I feel I’ve got to run away... I’ve  got to get away” (Tainted love by Soft Cell).
 I’m not going to lie. At that very moment I could have run away. Easily! Without looking behind.  
But,  I’m very persistent – as we ,  mothers,  are -  I just put myself together and carried on with life as usual.  By the time I was half way through my pile of ironing  while watching a film , I was calmer. (My goodness, I seem to be doing this job everyday – I hate ironing!)
One of the characters in the film described to a parent to be what it is like to have children.  He said:
-“ It’s awful, awful, awful... And then something magical happens that makes you forget how awful it is.  And then is awful... awful...  awful...  And then something amazing happens again...” And it’s awful... awful...
I couldn’t think of a better definition. I’d just add that these awful moments don’t last for long and the amazing moments really make the whole thing worth it.

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